It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
