plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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