WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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