Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
