So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
