The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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