when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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