I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
