my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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