that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
