Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
should my penis look like a turkey
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
