grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
