My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
