I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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