i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
