Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
someone owes me an orgasm
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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