A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
