You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
