wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
