Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
