Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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