yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
