i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
