I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
