is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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