I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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