So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
