Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
