alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
