I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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