i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
