I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
