I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
