is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
