I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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