glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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