you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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