I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
