I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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