So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
