i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This is my gift to your gina
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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