Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
