it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
