you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
