i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
