If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
