You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
