Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
