you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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