I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
